The ache to freeze time in its tracks is constant. A pause button would be ideal. If only I could just take a few minutes to write down the silly shinanigans that make my world go ‘round. My biggest fear is forgetting.

So many times since becoming a mom, I have wished for the tick of time to halt so I could write down my thoughts and feelings when I first experience them. We all swear that even the life changing events will never be forgot, but it doesn’t take long before details blur and recall memory gets weak.

I am that mom that other people point and roll their eyes at. You know the kind; those moms who carry an SLR and video camera around her neck and over her shoulders to every big or small life event. I am the mom who desperately tries to capture any and all perfect moments that may take place. Problem is, sometimes I feel I’m so busy catching my children in the lense that I actually miss out on enjoying the sandcastle creation or the bubble bath fiasco. I tell myself that one day when my children are all grown up that I can look back on all those captured moments and laugh, cry, and experience it all over again. But is it enough?

I am not unique in my ‘pause button’ pursuit, but with four children born to me in 37 months, there is definite merit to my ‘lack of time’ excuse. My first daughter, Madelyn was born on May 24, 2008, missing my own birthday by just an hour. Only 15 months later on August 27, 2009 my set of fraternal twins, Emily and Carter arrived. On July 2, 2011 my last and incidentally, unplanned baby, boy Cole graced us with his presence. Two boys and two girls make up our family of six.

And so four years have flown by since my adventure in motherhood began. To say our household has been chaotic is in essence the truth, but it’s lacking in real clarification. So out of recent reflection emerges a truth of substance. Our life has become an oxymoron of organized chaos.