Put your feet up and take a load off
Let’s keep this light and airy, shall we? I’ll try not to be cheesy about puns and poop jokes, but no guarantees. Tell me… have you ever pooped with a stool? Propped your feet up while sitting on the loo to do Number Two? If not, you seriously have to read this blog. And count how many times I use the word POOP.
I was visiting a friend in Toronto a few years ago and I used her Master Bathroom. This bathroom was fit for a queen. The shower could fit 9 people comfortably and the clawfoot tub looked like it was designed for a Home Magazine. Double sinks, and a private toilet area tucked away. Not to get distracted, but when I finally sat down to do the deed, I glanced beside the toilet and saw a little footstool. Amidst this very modern, glorious bathroom was this meek-looking stool just hanging out. As I sat, I kept pondering to myself why it was there. I knew the couple didn’t have any children so it wasn’t for little kiddies to stand up on while brushing their teeth. I knew the owners were above 4 feet tall, so they had no issues looking in the mirror. So when I was done my business, I went downstairs and asked her why the stool was in the bathroom. Anyone else would have likely let it go, but ask my Mom about my incessant need for answers to everything. My friend told me she uses it to poop. I’m sure my eyebrows raised in response. I knew my friend had a lot of stomach and bowel problems that she had battled with over the years, so I honestly just asked more questions, thinking it was related to those specific problems. She quite candidly told me that pooping with your feet on a stool was the proper way to poo. It helped align all your parts to strain less and that was an added bonus for her.
I was beyond curious, so of course I went home that night and researched pooping with a stool.
And wouldn’t you believe that I found article after article about the amazing benefits of using a stool for bowel movements!
I even came across a website – Squatty Potty where they sold a magnificent stool (only costs $24.99 for the basic model) that looked like something I could purchase at the dollar store. I had always had a book or magazine as my only partner in the bathroom, but I decided this was worth the experiment. So I got my own magical (dollar store) stool and placed it beside the toilet. And it was magical! It changed pooping so much in my world that I started debating taking my stool on holidays with me. I will give it to Squatty Potty though, as their stool is designed to tuck around the toilet bowl, where mine has to be tossed aside every time.
What’s Wrong with Modern Toilets?
Humans are designed to squat. For thousands of years that’s what we did in the woods.
I already knew the benefits to squatting while giving birth, so why this pooping concept surprised me, I don’t know.
But the modern Loo is not designed for emptying our bowels properly. So here are the common issues that come with our fancy upright pots:
- Constipation – which constitutes pooping less than three times in 7 days. Most people don’t even know they are constipated. If you can’t poop it out, that’s a serious problem. It’s our body’s main elimination organ and we have to get cleaned out regularly.
- Hemorrhoids – swollen and inflamed veins in your anus. Ewww! Who wants that? Let’s be real, most women have to deal with this problem via pregnancy and childbirth, we certainly don’t want to continue down that road needlessly thanks to our toilets.
- Colon Disease – clean it out or the buildup in our bodies causes diseases and a lack of nutrient absorption from the foods we eat.
- Urinary tract infections – because for women when we squat to even pee it’s better for our bladders! It allows us to empty out more completely. You know what it’s like when we pee and sit forward, then sit back and empty even more! Same concept applies here.
- Pelvic Floor Issues – How many of you lovely ladies have experienced jumping on a trampoline or even sneezing and wetting yourself a wee bit? Put your hands up! Okay, my hand is up too! Because the reality is that as we age, have more children, put on weight, and or poop without a stool, we can cause damage to our pelvic floor. But men, don’t feel left out, because studies show that nearly one in every five men ages 60 and older experience incontinence. You can join us in our woes. Use a stool and it helps with some of those health issues.
Did you know the colon has a natural kink that helps maintain continence?
Nope, me neither, but makes sense so our poop doesn’t fall out. The sitting posture partially relaxes the tight muscles around the colon, blocking the flow of waste. But squatting position allows that kink to fully relax and you’ll clean right out in one dump.
Somewhere in history, we came up with pompous rules around what makes humans civilized. Alas, our throne of white glory! Or beige if you have an old toilet from the 70s. But who’s watching us deposit our dinner anyhow? Is that really the place to worry about being civilized? In truth, I’m one of those women who throws out all social concepts to challenge a much more comfortable and logical version of society. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t wear a bra. I’m a healthy C size cup so there’s no mistaking the fact that I am not wearing one if you look closely. But goodness you may see I have nipples! Oh, how uncivilized for a woman of my professional stature.
Yeah, I’m not much about caring what people think. In fact, I recently gave up wearing underwear three months ago and I cannot rave about how liberating that feels, let alone the many benefits there are to not suffocating my lady parts.
And then I discovered other people that I know actually do this too!!! WHAT? Now I’m so annoyed about how much money I’ve spent over the years on undergarments that I want to boycott LaSenza stores everywhere. Let’s be real, I haven’t bought anything from there in 20 years. But seriously now, try going without underpants for one day and tell me what you think! I DARE YOU!
The toilet may present us like a king or queen while we sit on it, but nobody is sharing the bathroom with me, except for my children who run in with monumental problems that need to be solved while I’m indisposed.
The civilized rules we should worry about is not guzzling vodka in front of your friends to show off. Maybe try being kind to others as a standard. Pay your debts. Don’t throw a tantrum in public over dropping your hotdog in the dirt. Those civilized things go a long way.
Regardless of where you get your potty from, you can find something to fit your needs. Canadian Tire and Amazon are now selling their own version of the poop stool too.
Now don't forget the importance of eating your fiber. Bran does the body good. And now if you want a laugh that will dethrone you, watch this video plug for Squatty Potty and go out and get your own potty stool. You won’t regret it! Oh, and how many times did I use the word poop?